On the first day of Christmas... no, no, not that song.

On the first day of Christmas, I got rejected. Rex was this guy at my church that I whispered to myself, "God dey create" whenever I saw him. I thought of him often, and it worsened whenever I saw him. I had no plan of doing anything about it until I watched a TikTok video of a woman who asked a man out, and they got married. "You only live once, there is no wrong in trying," she said. Stupid me, I decided to write a letter.

I planned to give him the letter on Christmas Eve, which I did. I put it in an envelope and tied it with a red ribbon in the shape of a butterfly. How did I give it to him? Of course, I gave it to his obedient 6-year-old sister to hand it to him, only him and no one else.

I knew that my sister, Laide, would be so against it, so I kept it to myself. I told her once that "this Rex guy is fine o," and she was like, "ehn, who? That one? Clean your glasses, abeg." I thought of it, "What if we really ended up together? What if he actually likes me?" I never thought of "What if he rejected me?"

Finally, it was Christmas Day. I had been anticipating his calls or texts, but he sent nothing. I saw him in church, and he called me from afar and waved. I smiled sheepishly as I waved back. Within those seconds, I had thought of names for our unborn kids. It would really be nice if our male child had his nose and hairline.

"Mojiii," my sister called, and she looked from me to Rex. I ignored her and went inside the church, still smiling in my head. He gave me a letter when we were told to exchange gifts, and he smiled as he gave it to me. Laide wanted to open it immediately, but I kept it inside my bag and clutched it tight to me.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me..." The choir sang, and the congregation sang along, but I was lost in thought. Perhaps, today is our day one. I mean, our first day of dating. I giggled to myself. Immediately I got home, I tore the envelope open. He had also made a ribbon like mine, and my heart fluttered. "What is it all about?" Laide asked. I did not answer.

It was the same letter I had given him, but he replied underneath. I read through the letter, smiling. Suddenly, my face fell. "What?" she asked again. Not waiting for a response, she grabbed the letter from my hand.

"Wait, did you confess to Rex?" she asked as she burst into laughter. "Rex? That Rex? That guy that has the same name as Big Mummy's dog?" I fought back the tears making their way to my eyes. I should not cry. I must not cry. I cannot cry because of a man. "What were you thinking?" I remained quiet. "And what is this poem? When did you start writing poetry?" she said amidst gulps. I snatched the letter from her and stormed out of the room. Her laughter roared after me.

I read what I wrote again and again, and I cringed.

"You are the lamp of my life, your smile alone brings me out of darkness." Wetin be this? I ripped the letter in anger.

"Thank you for liking me, but I have a girlfriend, and she's really beautiful. I love her so much, and I can't leave her." That was Rex's reply, and it rang in my head. What if I were more beautiful? Would he have considered me?

"Moji!" My sister called from inside. When she saw that I didn't answer her, she came running to the sitting room. I ignored her as she pointed her phone at my face. I looked sideways. "See what Rex posted," she said, and I immediately looked at the phone. He posted a picture of him and a girl on his IG with the caption: "Happy birthday to my love, my Christmas baby, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Happy birthday to my girlfriend, I love us." I stared at the caption for seconds as I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"The girl is not even that fine, look at her wig. I wonder what you saw in him sef," I heard Laide saying. The caption ripped my heart. I tried, I really tried to hold it in, but a drop of tear fell from my eyes. I quickly wiped it away before Laide saw me. I refuse to cry. Even if I'll cry, the only person I want to cry for is Jesus.